


Learn to Hate Me

by BlackBloodFreak



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: A lot of depression talk, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Seo Changbin-centric, Strangers to Lovers, protect felix
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27589028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBloodFreak/pseuds/BlackBloodFreak
Summary: TW//Attempted suicide, contemplations of suicide, depressionChangbin meets his new neighbour by "breaking" into his home and calling emergency services for his overdose. A lot of angst and Changbin being the best caretaker he can be ensues._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Felix gave a groan, “I can give you my number but I’m not getting a stupid appointment.”Changbin sighed, “Well, some progress. I’ll make you give in sooner or later.”“You’ll give in sooner or later, too.”Changbin looked up from his phone, giving a confused look. Felix smiled at him. “You’ll learn to hate me.”____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Changbin-centric. The whole fic is also very self-indulgent.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

_SpearB: Ugh this dog again._  
_CB97: SRSLY?_  
_It’s been like two days and the dog is still crying?_  
_SpearB: Yeah what the hell._  
_J.One: maybe its owners are away_  
_If youre so concerned go check :D_  
_SpearB: Aaaaa it’s one in the morning!_  
_Fine fine_  
_CB97: inb4 he finds a murder scene in the house_  
_J.One: boi dont scare him_  
_CB97: he wouldnt be scared anyway_  
_SpearB: I am still here and yes I would._  
_I may be badass but not badass enough to witness a murder scene and not have PTSD_  
_I’m going pray for me_

Changbin sighed. He thought being independent would be fun, moving into his own home and whatnot. Apparently this neighbourhood wasn’t as peaceful as advertised.

  
God damn this dog was crying as if on the verge of death. Which is probably what it was, having cried out like that for two nights in a row. It was cold outside, after all; at least the snowfall from last week hadn’t been so rough and the outside wasn’t decked out with snow walls.

  
Changbin walked out of his room, not caring to change out of his pyjamas. He wasn’t going to be out there so long, anyway. Hopefully. He only put on his winter jacket and boots and was out of his home, not caring to lock his door.

The dog’s howls were even louder outside. It sounded devastating. How could anyone even bare with this, not going out themselves?

In fact, someone was walking outside nonchalantly, just past Changbin’s house.

“Hey!” he called out and the man stopped. “How can you just walk around without looking for that dog?”

The man shook his head. “It’s normal. You’ll get used to it.”

“Wha- how the f...why?”

“Cause the owner is constantly out of his home. Plus, nobody wants to deal with him anyway.”

Changbin swore a vein burst inside him from the anger. He huffed and walked past the guy, towards the cries of the poor animal. “Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you!” the man called after him and he was tempted to flip him off backwards. But he didn’t. He didn’t want to get on anyone’s bad side so fast, being here only a week and all.

The more he walked, even louder the dog was. He groaned at the sight.

It was pretty windy outside and looking from the fence, the dog was beside its doghouse, with a short collar attached to it, howling over the house, one light open in what Changbin assumed was the living room. “Ugh,” he let out and hopped over the fence.

The dog turned around and howled continuously. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll check it. Don’t worry, boy...are you a boy?” Changbin walked closer to the dog house, not being afraid of bites or anything since it was clearly in too much distress to try to defend. He detached them from the dog house quite easily and the dog instantly took off to the front porch, howling at the front door. Changbin sighed and followed the animal, knocking on the door.

Then ringing the bell. Three times.

Slamming on the door. “Come on, you piece of shit! Your dog is crying wolf!”

The dog howled, proving his point.

“Fuck this,” Changbin checked the door handle. Surprisingly, it was open. The dog instantly took off to the inside, their wet feet making marks on the wood floor of the hallway. He walked in himself, closing the door behind him. “Hell-ooo!!! I let your dog in, which apparently you are too assholish to do yourself.”

The dog howled from the light in a walkway. He walked over and turned, finding a living room.

And a guy passed out on the couch, the dog next to him nuzzling wherever he could. 

Changbin blinked and walked closer. He picked up a capped bottle from the coffee table next to the couch.

Painkillers. “Oh my god.”

This guy had OD-ed. He dropped the bottle instantly and went to check the guy.

He had blonde, dyed obviously, hair, and his face was calm but extremely pale, his mouth slightly open. He was breathing heavily, thank god. He looked pretty.

Not the time for that.

He slightly tapped his cheek, “Hello?”

The boy - he looked pretty young, after all - instantly reacted and opened his eyes slowly, fluttering. The dog instantly howled. He groaned lowly and Changbin was taken aback.

“ _I know, Lucky, I’m a piece of crap._ ” he spoke English. His voice was also incredibly low, how in the hell. 

He stood up himself and stumbled around, walking away from the living room area, not even paying attention to Changbin. He was on pills, after all.

He followed the guy and flinched as soon as he heard retching from the room the other had walked in. He assumed it was the bathroom. He walked in and found him lurched over his bathtub. Walking a bit closer Changbin found the tub to be filled with a white substance and a little bit of barf mixed in. The guy hadn’t eaten anything. And his body was rejecting the pills. Good.

And good that Changbin had decided to bring his phone along. He dialed for the emergency services. The guy had stopped as he went into a sitting position, back leaning against the bathtub.

He told the woman over the other end everything she needed to know, asking the guy for his address to which he complied quite easily with his dizzy state.  
“Okay,” Changbin sighed as he was hung up on. He looked at the dog at the doorway, whining. “Don’t worry, your owner is gonna get help,” he smiled slightly.

Then he turned to the man. They were probably the same age, or maybe the guy was younger. He had actually passed out again, taking heavy breaths. He seemed to twitch in his sleep as he fell over from the bathtub, but Changbin caught him before his head could hit the tiled floor.

The dog whined again. “He’s okay. He’s just sleeping,” Changbin replied, letting the guy’s head rest over his lap. What was he doing?

Nah, more importantly, why would a god like this try to take their own life?

The ER arrived pretty quickly, taking the guy out of his hands. Changbin sighed, “Thank you.” He stood up again and went to pet the dog. They instantly nuzzled into his hand, wanting some affection.

“Would you like to come with us?” one of the medical attendees asked. Changbin thought about it for a moment. Then nodded. “Sorry, Lucky, I have to check on your owner.” He nuzzled the dog for the last time. He went around the room to find the dog’s food bowls or whatever they had. It was full so no problem.

He went with the ER professionals, leaving the dog inside. Climbing into the back of the van he flinched as the guy suddenly seemed to gasp for breath.

“It’s alright, you’re in medical care now,” one of the guys in the back reassured him.

“No...not again,” his eyes welled up with tears and Changbin frowned, wanting to comfort the guy so bad.

“It’s alright. It’s for the best,” and he did, slightly petting his hair.

\---

Changbin spent two hours in the waiting room, telling his friends of the situation. Chan was genuinely concerned and Jisung was trying to lighten up the mood, but failed miserably.

He really hoped the guy was alright.

A doctor walked up to him and he stood up from his chair. “He is in stable condition, just woke up a minute ago. We put him on IV. Like you said, his body has rejected the pills mostly. He should be able to go home soon.”

“Thank you. Can I go see him?”

“Follow me.”

He followed the doctor to a room with an ajar door. Peeking inside, the guy was staring out the window.

He opened the door and walked in, the guy turning his head to him.

His eyes hit Changbin like a brick. Filled with sadness, deep brown irises melting his insides, yet at the same time, pale skin making him shiver.

He walked ahead, right to the side of his bed. “Hi. My name is Seo Changbin. Your dog had been crying out for two nights so I had to check.”

The other blinked. “Lee Felix.”

His name, Felix. His speech was slightly off.

“Are you...a foreigner?”

“I moved to Korea a few years ago. I’m from Australia.”

That voice, fucking hell. “Ah, well. Nice to know your name.”

Felix didn’t respond anymore, turning back to stare out the window. Changbin could tell Felix was thinking about everything that had occurred. And how he was still alive. But was he happy for that or no?

“Do you… want me to stay around a while longer? I can give you a ride home when they let you out from the bed.”

“... Okay,” the other’s voice was quiet, as if on the verge of breaking.

Changbin smiled slightly and left the room to make a call.

“Hey mom. Nah, I’m fine but...I need you to send someone to pick me up in about...two hours maybe? At the Severance hospital. No, mom, I’m fine but my… uhm, acquaintance isn’t. Yeah, yeah. Love you too, bye.”

He sighed and leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath in and out. There was a moment of recollection once again. How did he end up here? Was the dog okay at home? Was this Felix going to be okay? Why was he so...sad? A face like that deserved to smile. Not just because he’s attractive but he would otherwise give off a nonchalant, smiling aura, if it weren’t for the hospital bed, Changbin imagined.

But they always say the ones who smile the brightest, fall the hardest.

He made his way back to the room. Felix didn’t budge when he had walked in and taken a seat on the chair next to the bed.

Changbin was determined to make conversation, “So...I moved to the neighbourhood a week ago and-”

“So that’s why.”

Changbin was cut off. “Huh.”

Felix turned to him, this time his eyes filled with anger. “Why you would give a shit about me.”

Changbin blinked at the glare. “Wow. So common courtesy is really not a thing over there?”

“You’ll learn to hate me. Sooner or later,” Felix gave a sadistic grin. Changbin scoffed, “Nah, you’re exactly my type right now. Masochistic. I like that.”

Felix’s grin faded slowly but his angry demeanour stayed. He turned away again and Changbin tried to hide a snicker.

“How old are you?” Changbin asked.

Felix seemed to take a deep breath in before he sighed loudly, indicating he didn’t want the other to ask questions. He wasn’t going to comply to Felix. “I’m 21.”

“Ah! I’m 22.” Felix was younger. This was going to be fun.

Changbin decided to shut up as he peeked at Felix’s freckles decorating his cheeks. It was too early to ask...what happened and why he did it.

“Did Lucky stay inside?” Felix broke the silence this time.

“Yes.”

Felix nodded slightly. He looked at Changbin again. “I’m sorry for being trouble.”

Changbin shook his head, “Well, what else was I supposed to do? Leave you there?”

“Maybe.”

Changbin bit the inside of his cheek. “Do you go to a psychologist?”

“No.”

“Then I’m signing you up.”

Felix’s eyes widened for a moment before he shook his head. “They’re just going to say all the things I already know.”

“Don’t care. I know some good ones and can pull strings,” Changbin grinned, taking out his phone. He asked Chan for the contact of that young psychiatrist guy he had rambled about a while ago.

Silence ensued again

\---

Felix was signed out a few hours later and Changbin had the driver of the car go back, promising to give it back tomorrow. He was driving while Felix in the passenger’s seat was staring out the window, his eyes wide as ever. Trying to stay awake. He probably hadn’t slept in a while, either. Well, except being passed out this past day or so. But that probably wasn’t a relaxing sleep.

The whole drive home was quiet. Changbin pulled up at Felix’s house. “So can I get your number?”

Felix looked at him sharply once more, “What for?”

“So I can keep an eye on you and give you details about the psychologist.”

“I won’t go, anyway,” Felix opened the car door and slammed it shut, still being in his t-shirt and knee-high loose pants. Changbin stared for a moment before exiting the car himself.

“You can go now. Thank you,” Felix looked back at him as he was opening his fence gate. Changbin grinned smugly, “You’re welcome. But I’m not letting you go this easily.”  
He followed Felix all the way to his living room inside, having almost collided with the house front door as Felix had attempted to shut it right in front of his face.

Felix gave a groan, “I can give you my number but I’m not getting a stupid appointment.”

Changbin sighed, “Well, some progress. I’ll make you give in sooner or later.”

“You’ll give in sooner or later, too.”

Changbin looked up from his phone, giving a confused look. Felix smiled at him. “You’ll learn to hate me.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next week rolled in and Changbin was busy with his job. He believed Felix had some sort of job too, at least. But the moment he got off on Friday he decided he’d visit the weirdo neighbour…

  
He at least texted him first that he was coming over.

“Oooo, is Changbinnie finally off the market?” his coworker had snuck up behind him as the IT department where he worked at was closing up. He was used to it so he didn’t flinch.

“Ha,” he simply replied back, putting his phone back to his bag and looking at Hyunjin. Hyunjin smiled back, “So are you busy tonight?”

“Yup.”

“Aww,” Hyunjin fake-pouted and Changbin rolled his eyes. “Why, though?”

“I mean...you haven’t been to our department hangouts even once.”

Changbin blinked, “Really. Huh, didn’t even realise. Okay, next time definitely.”

The two said goodbyes and good work-s as Changbin was allowed to leave first. He still didn’t have a reply of confirmation on his visit. 

He took the bus the opposite way of where he lived, having a meeting with Chan first. Changbin wanted to see that psychologist friend of his so they had decided to meet up in a Starbucks; since Jisung had also been MIA because of art school and wanted to hang out, everyone was bound to end up in a coffee place, anyway. 

When he arrived at their planned meeting place Changbin already saw Jisung inside. He gave a sigh of content, having seen one of his best friends after so long.

He tried to sneak up behind the other as he was backfaced to the entrance. And he succeeded, putting his hands on Jisung’s shoulders and whispering, “Guess who.”

“Gah!” Jisung yelped and instantly covered his mouth, looking backwards. “You bastard,” he mumbled against his hand. Changbin moved backwards a little and grinned, “Thank you!”

Jisung hopped off his seat and trapped the other in a bear hug. Well, as best as he could, since Jisung was a skinny kid and Changbin’s upper half was thicc. Both hugged it out for a while and then Changbin went to order something for himself. An ice coffee sounded nice right now. Even if it was below zero degrees outside.

As he made his way back to their table with a caffeinated drink he grinned once more. “So how’ve you been?”

“Oh my god, dude. It’s so fun and yet I have this one class where the teacher hates me for the sole reason that I like drawing more in a cartoonish style. And also, there’s this one dude in my architecture class who’s so fricking cute like...okay, he was late the first time and had to sit next to me. And he just radiated this whole vibe of uwu…”

Changbin was simply smiling while listening to Jisung ramble. Both were stopped as Chan basically jumped near their table. “ _Hi_.”

“Kangaroo hyung!” Jisung beamed and jumped up to also hug some minimal life out of Chan. Changbin also stood up and stared at the guy next to his second best friend.

“Hello. I am Seo Changbin,” he bowed, guessing the guy was also older than him.

“Bae Joonyoung, but you can also call me Jacob. Nice to meet you,” the man smiled and damn, was that bright for a dark soul like Changbin’s.

“Yes, this is Jacob hyung,” Chan introduced as well. Jisung said his name and the four sat down. The talk went on about art school apparently being the weirdest place to get a university degree.

Hannie had to leave earlier. As the three were left, Changbin’s bright attitude dropped. “So, um...Jacob hyung, did Chan tell you about my...predicament?”

Jacob nodded and smiled slightly, “And I can’t do anything until he trusts you and comes to me.”

Chan rested his head on his hand, staring between Changbin and Jacob as they conversed. Changbin was told to be slow and yet persistent. Find something Felix really liked and try to bond through that.

“I mean...his dog liked me quickly enough,” Changbin mentioned. Jacob grinned, “That’s great! Because the owner will realise you are a good person if their dog takes a liking towards you.”

Changbin looked at his almost empty cup.

“I sense that you’re a very caring person, Changbin. I’m sure this guy will soon realise that too. That you won’t hurt him.” Jacob smiled. Chan nodded, “Yeah, you’re the sweetest, honestly.”

So much for Changbin’s character of 3RACHA being the dark rapper.

\---

He still hadn’t gotten a reply from Felix. And he was already on his front porch. Lucky was inside, too.

He sighed and ran the doorbell.

And again.

Knocked more forcefully than he had wanted to.

Felix opened, looking at him with an unreadable expression. “Hi, hyung.”

“Hey. How are you doing?” Changbin smiled.

“I-” Felix was cut off by his dog barking. He opened the door a little more and Lucky wagged his tail towards Changbin. Changbin smiled and leaned down to ruffle the dog’s head. “Hello, pretty! Did you take care of Felix?”

Felix was simply staring as Changbin was playing with his dog for a minute and asked Lucky multiple questions about him.

“Do you...want to come in?” Felix finally spoke up. Changbin stood up properly, “I would love to.”

Felix let him in and Changbin noticed how the inside had been cleaned to pristine.

“Would you like some tea or coffee?” Felix asked, making his way to the living room.

“No, I just came from a coffee shop. Thank you for the offer, though.”

Felix sat down on his couch. The same one he had been passed out on a week prior. Changbin stood there for a moment before taking a seat as well.

“So. Before Lucky decided to be a cutie. How are you?” Changbin asked again.

Felix looked at his coffee table and shrugged, “Better, I guess. How are you?”

“Can’t complain,” Changbin was surprised Felix asked the same thing back. Jacob had said that dialogue is important and Changbin shouldn’t bombard him with questions immediately.

So in fear of stressing the other out he ended up staring at him quietly. His blonde hair was combed to perfection on his side. His freckles were slightly covered by powder. “You have...makeup on.”

“Mmm, yeah. I have to for my job.”

“Job?”

“I have night shifts as a bartender,” Felix looked at him again. Changbin nodded, “That’s why your eyes are puffy.”

“Yeah, my sleep schedule is fucked most of the time,” Felix smiled slightly and Changbin’s stomach dropped at the sight.

“So you have to go soon?”

Felix looked at his phone on the coffee table for the time. “In an hour.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Yes.”

Changbin nodded and sighed. “So… I should probably go… good luck on your job!”

Felix led him back to the front door. Changbin turned around, “Do you have a shift tomorrow night?”

Felix shook his head side to side. “But I’m not hanging.”

“Aw.”

Changbin stepped outside, fixing his scarf. “I’ll come ask again tomorrow.”

“I probably won’t answer,” Felix gave a snarky smile and shut the door.

“Goodbye to you too!” Changbin shouted and sighed.

What a stubborn brat. Changbin loved a challenge.

\---

Changbin ended up hanging with Jisung on Saturday. The other wanted to go see a movie and also ask for criticism on his art project.

It was about five in the evening and the two were in Changbin’s house, looking over Jisung’s project. “Dude… this is amazing!” Changbin was in awe as he kept staring at the canvas.

“Really, I thought it was too surreal style when I actually wanted the postmodernism look with-”

“Jisung, Jisung, bro.” Changbin put a hand on his dongsaeng’s shoulder. “I literally have no clue what you’re talking about right now.”

Jisung blinked and then burst into laughter. Changbin smiled and checked his phone. Yes, it was five pm. Felix would probably be awake….

“Jisung, do you need any… concrete info or?”

“I mean… you like it?”

“I do. It’s better than anything I could ever do, my man.”

Jisung wheezed again and looked at his work, “Yeah. Like, why don’t you invite someone over so they can give a better opinion?”

Changbin thought about it.

He messaged Felix. The other was awake but also had a guest. Changbin bit the inside of his cheek.

_The more the merrier! Ya see, my friend needs opinions on his art project_

_Well fuck my friend knows about art_  
_I guess we’re coming over then_

_My house number is 547_

  
_See you_

In a minute there was a knock on his door. He went to answer it. Felix was there with his constant look of not wanting to be anywhere. The guy next to him was slightly smaller but looked older. Changbin smiled and bowed, “Hello, I am Changbin.”

“Minho, nice to meet you!” Minho grinned and bowed as well.

“Come in,” Changbin let the two in. “Where’s the masterpiece I was promised?” Minho instantly joked. He seemed like a good guy. He was probably Felix’s coworker or something. And Felix also seemed to ignore his cheery attitude in some way. So the neighbourhood wasn’t fond of the guy but everyone else must be. Huh.

“Oh, hello!” Jisung made his way to the hallway and greeted the two. Changbin introduced them, “This is Felix and Minho.” He consecutively pointed.

“My dear, it is a masterpiece!” Minho stared at Jisung. Changbin blinked. 

Did he just… instantly flirt with Jisung. 

“Oh my god,” Felix facepalmed, confirming his suspicions.

Jisung’s cheeks did flare up but he instantly grinned as if understanding a joke. “Thank you, thank you, I am a mess of a masterpiece! But I need help on my actual piece.” Minho raised an eyebrow and then smiled, “Okay, be that way. Show me. You didn’t say your name?”

“I’m Han Jisung, nice to meet you!” Jisung led Minho to the living room where he had his stuff set up, leaving Felix and Changbin alone in the hallway.

Changbin waved at Felix, “How are you?”

Felix crossed his arms in a defensive manner. “Annoyed. Not only did Minho hyung decide to be a bother but you...”

Changbin rolled his eyes, “Come on, can you just drop the act once?”

“Sure. Once I get some real sleep,” Felix snickered. Changbin blinked, “Oh, you didn’t sleep well?”

“Nope. So, can I have some coffee? I had no time to make some before the other guy showed up and you messaged me.”

Changbin nodded and led Felix to the living room. “Holy…” Felix’s pissy attitude dropped as his glance went on Jisung’s painting.

“I know, right?” Minho grinned as Felix walked closer to the art piece and Changbin went to the kitchen, grinning at Jisung’s embarrassed giggle.

Luckily Changbin still had the pod coffee machine so making one cup would be quick. He left the machine to do the work as he went back to the living room. “Felix, how many spoons of sugar?”

“Two. And overflowing with cream, please,” Felix said, already resting on the couch while Jisung was anxiously next to Minho looking over his painting more pensively.

Changbin shut off the coffee machine when it was done, putting two teaspoons of sugar in the cup. He looked in the refrigerator and downed the last of his cream into the cup as well.

Going back to the people he handed Felix the cup. Felix smiled slightly, “Thank you.”

“Oh! That’s a great idea!” Jisung exclaimed and Minho shook his head. “Only if you want to do it, though. Remember, this is your art we’re talking about.”

“Yes, yes...But I think adding the dark blue into the background really would give the sky more zazz, you know? Thank you, hyung!” He instantly got his easel.

Minho coughed and looked at Changbin, “Are all your friends this cute?”

Changbin blinked and then smirked, “They are.”

“You lucky bastard.”

Changbin snickered and Minho went to sit next to Felix.

Back off. My coffee,” Felix pouted. Minho pouted as well, “Just one sip?”

“No! Changbin-hyung, make him one!”

“I don’t want that, I want yoursss!” Minho fake-whined and Changbin chuckled. “So you want a cup or no?”

“Yeah, I’d like some. Thank you!” Minho looked up at Changbin with a grin. Well, the man really did know how to use his looks. “I ran out of cream.”

“Milk is fine.”

Changbin went back to the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine again. After a moment Minho was in the kitchen, too, his cheery attitude gone. Changbin knew where this was going and he didn’t want it to go there.

“So how do you know Felix?” Minho crossed his arms. 

“That’s something he has to tell you himself, I’m afraid. How do you know him?”

“We’re coworkers.”

“Ayy, I was correct on my hunch!”

Minho smiled but it faded quickly. He leaned against the top of the shelves where Changbin’s cutlery was. “I’m sure you know about… Felix’s predicament.”

“Mmm… yes. I don’t mean to hurt him any way, I promise. I want to help him.”

“Good! So do I. That’s all I wanted to know.”

The whirr of the coffee machine stopped and Changbin handed the cup to Minho, showing where the sugar is and giving him a spoon. He took the milk out of the fridge while Minho put two and a half spoons of sugar in his drink.

“But,” Minho looked at Changbin again. “What do you mean, he has to tell me himself?”

Changbin didn’t know how to answer that, looking away.

After a little while Minho spoke up, “He tried it again, didn’t he?”

Changbin bit the inside of his cheek. Glancing back, Minho’s face was distraught. Changbin hated to think about it. But he had to tell now.

“His dog Lucky had been crying out for two nights straight and I had to do something about it. Felix’s front door was open. He was…” Changbin swallowed the saliva invading his mouth, “passed out on the couch, overdosed on painkillers.”

Minho sighed and kneeled down, hitting his head against the kitchen island. “That idiot… when was that?”

“Last weekend.” Changbin sighed, feeling his stomach turning around as he had to tell the story. Minho raised his head up and laughed dryly. “So that’s why he was so out of it on Monday!”

Minho looked at Changbin with the same sad smile. “Sorry, I know we just met but...I really need a hug and Felix sure as hell isn’t going to give me one.”

Changbin nodded and wrapped his arms around the stranger. Minho hugged back tightly.

“Felix will honestly be the end of me, I swear! Ever since he came to work I noticed he was… down. It takes a long ass while for him to trust you but it’s worth it, trust me.” Minho let go, “I’m guessing you’re still in the process of that?”

Changbin nodded. “Let’s go back.”

Both left the kitchen to find Felix slightly smiling next to Jisung. “You’re so good.”

“It’s just years of practice, my man! Oh, should I call you hyung, too? I’m twenty one.” Jisung asked.

“Ah, I’m the same age.”

Jisung grinned, “Ah! Are you in college?”

“I am not,” Felix shook his head. Jisung nodded along and Minho went to look at the painting. He gasped, “Holy moly, you shaded the blue in so perfectly!”

Felix stepped away and looked at Changbin. Changbin smiled at him.

Felix stood there for a moment. But then gave a slight smile back, enough to melt anyone’s icy heart. Changbin was so right that Felix would be the absolute sunshine of the world if he… didn’t have problems. It was very wrong to think about it like that. But he didn’t know how else to decipher it.

“Changbin,” Felix shook him out of his thoughts. “Yes?”

“You looked like your brain was about to explode at any minute,” Felix smirked. “What were you thinking about?”

“...You,” Changbin basically blurted out, feeling his cheeks get warm. No, he wasn’t… already? What the fuck.

No, this was just the physical attraction talking. It usually didn’t mean shit.

Felix blinked at him and looked away, “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

Felix shot a glare at him. Changbin smiled back, “I thought you knew you had a problem.”

“Well, right now I’m feeling okay!” Felix argued back. Changbin sighed, “Right. Sorry.”

“You really are the ultimate trap, huh?”

Changbin raised an eyebrow. Felix smirked again, “You look like a bad boy trademark but you’re actually really sweet. And kinda cute. Of course that wasn’t me who said it, Minho whispered it to me before you two decided to bond in the kitchen. And now you’re actually blushing hhh~” Felix broke into a wheeze and it was the most magnificent thing Changbin had ever heard.

JUST PHYSICAL ATTRACTION MY ASS.

“You’re gonna break him, Felix, please stop,” Jisung put a hand on Felix’s shoulder, giggling. “Why? Isn’t it fun to see your best friend being tortured?”

“Well, if the torture is by my hand, then yes,” Jisung winked at Felix. Felix rolled his eyes with a smile and stared back at Changbin still shocked silent. Felix’s eyes were so pretty… his whole face was pretty. Physical attraction.

“Anyway!” Minho put his hands on Changbin’s back. “Since we’re all already here, who wants to go out to eat?”

“I’m poor,” Jisung shook his head. Minho smirked, “I’ll pay for you.”

“No, I don’t want to owe anything since I’m never gonna be able to give it back.”

“But what if I don’t need you to give me back anything?” Minho leaned over to Jisung a little. Jisung blinked and Felix laughed, “Just take his offer, he doesn’t take no for an answer.”

“...Okay? Changbin?”

“Yeah… Let’s go. After you two finish your coffee.”

“Oh my, he finally says something!” Minho teased and Changbin sighed.

\---

The four had ordered and were now just talking amongst each other. Changbin smiled at a joke Jisung had made and then looked around. His eyes widened when the two’s eyes locked. Hyunjin grinned from the distance and made his way towards the group.

“Hey, Changbin!” he greeted, everyone looking at him. Changbin waved. “So which one of these boys is your significant other and can I fight them for your love?”

Minho grinned, “This guy has his priorities straight. Or, well…” he snickered. Changbin shook his head with a smile, “You might as well sit down here for a little.”

“Sure, I was planning on takeaway, anyway. Hello, I am Hwang Hyunjin, Changbin hyung’s coworker!”

Everyone said introductions again and Minho then spoke up, “Yeah, you didn’t tell what you do, Bin. Explain.”

“I’m in the IT department of a bigger company.”

“Oooh, a bigger company? Vague. Must be hard, though,” Minho smiled. Changbin shrugged, glancing at Felix next to him. He noticed instantly and gave a smile of reassurance.

“Well, I’m a broke ass university kid, if we’re doing a get-to-know circle” Jisung spoke up. Hyunjin nodded, “What’s your major?”

“Contemporary art.”

“Oooh, a creative one!”

“Now you have to visit Changbin’s house and see Jisung’s painting, it’s amazing,” Felix responded. Hyunjin looked at Changbin. Changbin sighed, “Eh, why not.”

“Me and Felix are bartenders. Also the broke life kind of,” Minho said. Hyunjin grinned, “To be honest, I’d rather do something simple and live life broke than work in the stressful environment we have.”

“Oh jeez. Tell me about it,” Changbin took a sip of his drink.

The conversation steered towards everyone’s hobbies. Of course, music was on top of everyone’s list. Jisung looked at Changbin as if for permission to talk about their quote-unquote underground life. Changbin rolled his eyes and nodded. Jisung grinned and turned to everyone else. “Me, Changbin hyung and another hyung are in a rapper trio.”

“Oooooh!” Minho and Hyunjin awed. “What’s your group name?” Minho asked

“Okay, don’t laugh! 3 Racha. Like the sauce haha,” Jisung grinned and Minho actually did try to hold back his laughter. Hyunjin ended up giggling anyway. Felix on the other hand, Changbin noticed, was silent. Changbin decided not to ask.

Everyone started talking about their enthusiasm towards music again and how each of them had dabbled in dancing or rap or music at one point in their lives, if they weren’t doing it now. Minho was revealed to be an avid dancer, and everyone wanted to see him perform instantly.

“You just look like you’d dance like a god, to be honest,” Jisung smiled innocently and Changbin noticed Minho twitch in his seat. “Getting ideas?” he smirked. Minho looked at him and huffed, “Please. Spare me.”

“Nope. You’re dancing for us sooner or later!”

“Fine. I have a private dancing studio me, Felix and some other guys rent out so maybe you guys can come over some day.”

Everyone exchanged numbers except Felix, since he and Minho already knew each other. Changbin’s mind went off the rails.

He imagined Felix giving all his passion as he moved around some empty studio, staring at himself in the mirror and being entranced. While Changbin was in the background, looking at his every move. Hyunjin elbowed him, “Changbin.”

“Hm, what? Sorry, I spaced out.”

“We talked about two weeks from now. Would that be good?” Minho smiled. Changbin nodded and refilled his bowl with samgyeopsal.

\---

As Felix and Hyunjin were now the only ones to accompany Jisung and Changbin back to Changbin’s abode, Felix stopped Changbin from taking his shoes off in his hallway. “You have a porch, right? Or at least a backyard.”

“Yeah? Why.”

“You mind if I go smoke?”

Changbin’s eyes widened and so did everyone else’s. “Oh my lord, I never expected something like that from the cutest freckled boy in existence!” Hyunjin basically shouted out and Felix gave an annoyed grin towards him. “Kindly shut up.”

Hyunjin figuratively zipped his mouth shut and threw away the zipper. Jisung laughed at him. “I mean…” Changbin really didn’t like Felix smoking.

But. His life. His options. Right.

“Go and throw the butt into my trash after,” Changbin frowned as he pointed towards where his back porch was. Felix nodded and took off.

“Well! Jisung, if you please,” Hyunjin nodded towards Jisung who grinned and sped off into the living room, Hyunjin following suit. “Holy shit, my dude!” he heard Hyunjin exclaim as he walked right past them, towards Felix.

When he made it to the porch, Felix was probably taking his first drag.

He looked at him with a questioning glance. Changbin couldn’t help himself. “So...let me guess. You know 3 Racha.”

Felix blinked, looking away. “Yeah. I kinda thought your voice sounded familiar. Jisung’s too.”

Changbin nodded, staying away from Felix so he wouldn’t smell the smoke but staying with him, still.

Felix didn’t complain about it, simply smoking his night away. God, what time was it, even? Changbin took out his phone and checked. It was around eleven and he had some new messages.

“Hyung,” his head shot up, looking at Felix who was looking at him. He never thought he’d like someone smoking but the way Felix was holding the cigarette between two of his fingers was aesthetic. “Do you dance?”

Changbin shook his head. Felix nodded and turned back around, admiring the evening sky. Since it was winter it was dark, but you could see some stars.

Changbin bit his lip, thinking about seeing Felix give him a private show again. “How long have you been dancing?”

“Since I was little. I’ve tried a lot of styles and I ended up staying with hip-hop. Since I was like...twelve? I think,” Felix looked down a little. Changbin smiled at him for unknown reasons.

Even his backside was amazing. Physical attraction was too much to make Changbin actually think of Felix’s personality and he liked it that way. So he could confirm to himself that he was just being a horny ass and nothing else would happen.

But oh dear, how much he wanted to hug the blonde.

He didn’t even notice Felix was done with his cigarette until Felix was waving his hands near his face. Changbin blinked and the glossy look in his eyes was gone as he stood up from his bench and smiled at Felix. The other slightly smelled of smoke now, completely ruining his fruit cologne or whatever the fake blonde had sprinkled on himself.

“You know, you’ve been spacing out the entire evening. Are you alright?” Felix’s mouth moved and Changbin could only think of him biting the inside of his cheek. “I have a lot of thoughts, man. Catch me always spacing out.”

Felix huffed with a smile and the two made their way back inside.

Felix went to the kitchen to throw away the cigarette as Changbin looked at Hyunjin who was basically doe-eyed, listening to Jisung going over shading.

“If I had known you before, I probably would’ve gotten a better grade in Art in high school.”

“What did you get.”

“D. Barely made it.”

Jisung burst into giggles and Changbin rolled his eyes as Felix walked back to the three.

“This has been a fun night and all, but I really want peace and quiet right about now, no offense,” Changbin grumbled. Jisung smirked, “Introvert Changbin makes a comeback.”

“Ha ha ha,” Changbin monotoned back. Hyunjin winked at him, “Well, now I know where you live. So I can actually show up at your doorstep and drag you to department gatherings.”

“Yeah, yeah, just please go already.”

Jisung started packing up his stuff as Felix and Hyunjin went to the hallway.

Hyunjin was off first. “It was very nice meeting you, Felix. I can’t wait to see you bust your ass during dance trainings.”

“It’s going to be a sight to see, I assure you,” Felix smirked back and with a final wave Hyunjin was gone. Felix put on his jacket and sighed. “I could’ve just waited until I was home.”

“Huh?”

“To smoke,” Felix looked at Changbin. Changbin shook his head, “No problem.”

“Yes it was. I clearly saw your disappointed look.”

Changbin blinked as Felix grinned, “Score one for me.”

“In what?” Jisung dropped his bag on the hallway floor gently.

“Making Changbin hyung hate me.”

Jisung blinked as blankly as Changbin was. Felix gave a mocking salute and left the house.

“What was that?” Jisung gaped.

Changbin looked at Jisung, “He’s dead set on making me hate him like apparently everyone else in the neighbourhood does.”

“...Why? He’s such a nice guy! Who would hate him?!”

“I don’t know but let me tell you, Jisung,” Changbin put his hands on Jisung’s shoulders dramatically. “If anything, that score was for me. Because I never thought I’d like seeing someone smoke until now. The way he was standing on my back porch was fucking ethereal.”

Jisung blinked and then grinned, “Jeez, you really need to get laid.”

“I know,” Changbin hit his forehead loudly.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Changbin saw Felix was pretty early after their last meeting. Because apparently his department changed their bar the same week Changbin was finally going, and it was the place Felix and Minho worked at. 

“Oh! Hi!” Hyunjin grinned instantly and Changbin ended up staring at Felix. Him lit up behind the bar while everything else was pretty dark. “It really is a small world!” Minho grinned back. Hyunjin and Minho began exchanging small talk while Felix stared at Changbin.

“What do you want?” Felix asked.

“What do you recommend?”

“Hm,” Felix thought about it for a moment, putting the glass he was polishing down. “Depends who you want the drink from. I make a mean Long Island, though.”

“That’s too strong,” Changbin huffed. Felix smirked, “Yeah. Exactly. One glass and you’re already out of this world.”

“Make me a simple rum and coke, please.”

“Okay,” Felix got to work and Minho moved over to Changbin. “Still looking gloomy, I see.”

“Yup. Get used to it.”

Hyunjin giggled next to him and said everyone else’s order, too, since they decided to stay at their table. “Oh! And can you give us some chips too, please?”

Minho went to get them and Felix put a glass in front of Changbin. “What was next, the simple gin and tonic?”

“Three of those,” Hyunjin nodded. Changbin broke into a smile as he saw the little decorative rainbow umbrella in his drink. “Cute.”

Hyunjin giggled again, “Is this special treatment? Minho didn’t give me one.”

“We’re running low,” Felix answered.

“And you decided to waste one on the emo, awww,” Hyunjin cooed and Changbin nudged him on the elbow harshly.

In about thirty minutes of sitting around after having finished his drink, Changbin was realising that everyone except Hyunjin and Mingi in his department were assholes. Especially the new couple in the mix.

Since Changbin was new to their gatherings, it was clear that nobody would care if he was here or not. And Changbin didn’t really care about that. Only Hyunjin was paying attention to him and Mingi next to him was trying to crack jokes.

He decided to check his phone. He had new messages as always, since Jisung always goes off in their group chat. Mingi looked at him, “Come on, don’t be such an antisocial.”

“Can’t help it,” Changbin spared him a smirk and opened the texts. He went over them briefly before looking back up again. Mingi smiled at him, “You wanna get out of the booth, maybe?”

“Maybe,” Changbin sighed. The two stood up and walked away, leaving Hyunjin to look at Changbin like he’d been betrayed.

“I’ll have another gin and tonic, please,” Mingi smiled at Minho and Minho nodded, fixing it up quick. “Where did Felix go?” Changbin asked.

“Smoke break,” Minho eyed Changbin and when Changbin didn’t bat an eye he knew Felix had revealed this to him.

“You know the bartenders?” Mingi asked. Changbin smiled, “From outside of here, yes. I had no clue this was where they worked.” Mingi nodded and started sipping on his new drink. “You want something, Changbinnie?”

Changbin’s eyes narrowed at Minho, “Never call me that again, thanks. And I’m driving.”

Minho smirked, “Or...you could stay here all night and let Felix drive you home.”

Changbin sighed, “What is it with everyone suddenly thinking I have a thing for Felix?!”

“Do you?” Felix appeared out of nowhere and Changbin flinched. Felix smirked at him. Mingi sipped at his drink, “This is some good tea.”

“You said it!” Minho and Mingi even high-fived. Changbin sighed, “Well, the rest of the world seems to think that.”

Felix rolled his eyes, “You gonna sulk on this barstool now?”

“I constantly sulk, what are you on?”

“Nicotine. And here I thought you actually had fun on Saturday,” Felix chuckled and Minho faked being hurt. “Really, Changbin? I thought you were...different. Apparently, I thought wrong hmpf!”

“So you’re not as cold as you make it out to be, good to know,” Mingi smirked. Changbin glared at him.

After a while the two decided to join their table again, to see if things were different. They really weren’t, and Hyunjin was basically mind screaming for help. Changbin shook his head at him.

“It’s what you get for making me join,” he whispered towards him when nobody was paying attention. Hyunjin frowned at him, but it was a fake one.

“You know what, I think I’m gonna split,” after almost another hour Changbin was absolutely done. Hyunjin and Mingi actually decided to join him. “Um...Hyunjin, can you drive me home?” Mingi asked and Hyunjin nodded with a smile. They went to pay for their own drinks.

Changbin spared Felix another glance. He was making a drink for some girl. He looked like he was very focused. Probably like that for everything he puts his mind to. Even…

Changbin wanted to puke right then and there. He can’t believe he actually thought about it. “Changbin hyung, you alright? You turned pale,” Hyunjin put a supportive arm on his shoulder. Changbin nodded, “I’m fine. Just thought of something… bad.”

Felix instantly looked at him. Changbin couldn’t look back anymore as he left with the other two.

Changbin was never a frantic driver. But right now he wanted nothing more than to get home as quickly as possible so he could cuss himself out in the mirror.

Which he did, staring at his stupid face for like, ten minutes as soon as he got home. He didn’t even take his jacket off before he caught a glance of himself in the mirror in the front hallway and was instantly pissed off. “You absolute fucking idiot!” he shouted at the mirror.

As he calmed down and ran a hand through his hair he noticed his hands were shaking, despite being warm and sweating his ass off from the jacket. He looked at his shaking hand and tried to stop, tensing up.

His whole arm ached as he tried. “Fuck,” Changbin finally took his jacket off and went to hit his head on the couch armrest, groaning.

He decided to check his phone. Felix had messaged him.

_Knew you weren’t okay._  
_I’m coming over in the morning._

What.

Actually?

What the fuck.

Changbin dialed Jacob-hyung.

“Hello? It’s kind of late, Changbin.”

“Hey, sorry um...I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“If...okay, like. I went to the same bar the problem guy works at for his night shifts, right? And I wasn’t feeling the best and he seemed to have noticed and wants to come over as soon as he gets off in the morning and I’m actually panicking and I have no clue why.”

The silence from the other end didn’t help as Changbin bit his lip so hard it started bleeding.

“It means you’ve made significant progress already. And that even if he may not trust you yet, he does care about you.”

“...I thought that works the other way around?”

“If he cares for you then he will trust you soon enough. Changbin, you have nothing to worry about. Now please let me sleep,” the light-hearted chuckle that followed indicated that Jacob wasn’t actually going to sleep anyway.

“Okay. I’m sorry. Bye.”

“Don’t b-” Changbin hung up on him. And wondered why he was such an insensitive idiot.

Maybe it was the fact that he came from a rich family and everything was solved with money, more or less? Maybe it was the fact that Changbin was actually neglected for most of his childhood, since his parents always had to work? Maybe it’s the fact that he had turned desensitized over his high school drama.

And now that popped back up in his mind, great. Changbin shouted again and slapped himself. “You’re an absolute fucking idiot.” Changbin didn’t even take off any of his clothes as he went and dropped on his bed.

\---

He woke up when he heard his doorbell ring. He couldn’t believe he actually fell asleep like that.

After a few more rings he groaned into his bedsheets and shouted, “Fine, I’m coming!”

He basically limped to his front door and opened it.

Felix’s eyes widened as he saw him.

Oh wait, yeah. He was coming over.

“Holy shit,” Felix basically whispered. Changbin shook his head and walked away, letting Felix come in. “You want coffee?” Changbin walked off to the living room to get to the kitchen.

“Changbin, what happened?” Felix ran after him as soon as had finished taking off his winter boots. “I had a minor breakdown but I’m okay now,” Changbin smiled at him lazily. Felix blinked, the shock of seeing him like this still apparent on his face. “Why?”

“Why are you asking if you don’t even tell me about yourself?” Changbin smirked back as the two walked to the kitchen and Felix stopped at the walkway, holding his hand up so he wouldn’t be hit by the sliding door.

“Are you serious?” Felix awed. Changbin shrugged, “I don’t know myself, anymore. All I know is that it happened and I’m fine now. You want coffee or no? Oh wait, no, you’re going straight to sleep after this, huh. Well, you’ve checked up on me so you can go.”

“...WOW you’re even worse than me,” Felix broke into giggles and Changbin seemed to perk up, hearing the other’s angelic laugh. “At least I’m not suicidal.”

Felix’s laugh stopped abruptly as he looked at Changbin with an indescribable look. Changbin realised what he had said as he growled at himself and slapped himself again. “Fucking idiot.”

“...Is that why you had a breakdown? Because of...me?” Felix walked closer, to the other end of the kitchen counter in the middle of the room.

Changbin took a sharp breath in. “No. It was more of...what I thought of you.”

“...Oh,” Felix smiled, “Do you actually hate me already?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Changbin shut the pod lid rather harsh, pressing the button to make himself some goddamn coffee. Felix chuckled again, this time with a sinister undertone. “I told you it would happen.”

“You really want to know?”

“I know already.”

“No, you fucking don’t,” Changbin scowled and took his done coffee, opening the fridge for cream.

“Fine. Humour me, then.”

Changbin ran his tongue over his chewed broken lip from yesterday. “It’s the fact that no matter how hard I might try, one of these days you still might end up hurting yourself. Because I’ve read enough shit to know that depression never actually goes away and it can hit you at any moment.”

He felt like crying, staring at his closed fridge, feeling his hands shaking again. He put down the cream pack that he would probably drop otherwise and scratched his head, grimacing before turning around.

Felix was blank. Changbin’s self-deprecating look instantly went away.

Felix looked down, “I should go. You have work soon.”

“Felix-”

“No, I heard enough,” Felix turned around and walked out of the kitchen, zipping his jacket back up. Changbin followed him, “Felix, I’m sorry-”

“For what? Caring about me so much?” Felix grinned, stopping from putting on his boots again. Changbin shut up, but opened his mouth again just as quick, “I...don’t cry…”

Felix laughed dryly as that one treacherous tear fell down his perfect freckled cheeks. “Sure, I’ll try. Thank you. Have a better day than yesterday, hyung.”

With that Felix was out of his house. And Changbin resisted the urge to hit himself in the face full force.

But before that thought went further, Felix opened his door again, smiling sadly. “You’re right, though. It will definitely happen again and if you don’t want to be mortified twice you should stay away.”

Changbin snarled instantly, “Just you try to keep me away.”

Felix’s smile faded. “...Bye, hyung.”

He shut the door again and Changbin heard him walk away. Changbin hit his head against his hallway wall.

\---

Hyunjin was all over him all day since the head smash had left him with a good bruise. Changbin insisted that it was nothing grand but Hyunjin wouldn’t let it go. Changbin didn’t feel like he had a concussion so what would there be to worry about?

As they were almost done with their afternoon project planning, Hyunjin clicked his tongue. “You know what, I’m calling Jisung.”

Changbin’s eyes widened, “Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Mingi-hyung, hold him down,” Hyunjin nodded towards Mingi who shrugged and did hold Changbin down.

“Hi, this is Hyunjin. --- Yes hi. Do you know if anything is wrong with Changbin?” Hyunjin eyed him as he talked on the phone. Changbin couldn’t honestly give a damn anymore.

“I don’t know the details but he showed up this morning with a big bump on his head and his right eye is kinda bruised. --- Well, he keeps insisting he’s fine but...yeah. --- Felix?”

Changbin’s eyes widened, “Don’t tell him anything!”

Hyunjin blinked, “Did something happen between you two? Is he the one who hit you?”

“No, I…” Changbin sighed loudly. “I basically hurt myself for being a dumbass.”

Hyunjin put Jisung on speaker and Jisung instantly screamed, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!?!”

Changbin rolled his eyes, “I was a dumbass.”

“THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN ANYTHING!!!”

Changbin chuckled dryly and Mingi sighed, “Dude, you have to speak.”

Changbin blinked. “It’s very personal so actually, I can’t speak.”

“...Is Felix okay, at least?”

“I don’t know,” Changbin answered Hyunjin’s mumble and felt a tear rolling down his face. “Fuck,” he buried his face into his hands and Hyunjin and Mingi instantly started comforting him.

\---

After a long wind-down, Hyunjin and Mingi promised to cover Changbin's ass for getting off work early. Jisung had agreed to not tell Chan anything.

So here he was, at three pm, already at home. It was so quiet. He turned on the TV.

He felt his stomach was empty but he didn’t want to eat. Mainly because he was too exhausted to make anything right now.

Who knew trying to care for one person would be so much work? Changbin sighed and took out his phone.

_Are you awake?_  
_I need to talk to you_

As Felix didn’t answer he figured the other was sleeping. He only hoped he wouldn’t ignore after seeing his text when he woke up.

At around five there was a knock on his door. Changbin went to answer it, hoping to god that it wasn’t Chan and Jisung hadn’t told him.

It was Felix. “Make me coffee.”

Changbin blinked but then nodded, letting Felix in and going to the kitchen.

He was back with his coffee, the sugar bowl and cream a minute later, as Felix had cast off his winter jacket and sat on his couch. Felix made his coffee and sipped, sighing. “Your coffee machine is so damn good, I can’t comprehend.”

Changbin chuckled a little. Silence took over after that. Changbin was still afraid of losing the other completely by being an intrusive little snake.

So Felix had to be the one to speak up. “I know that I hurt people like this. But like you said, I can’t fucking help it. So if you don’t want to be hurt constantly...what happened to your head?” Felix stopped in the middle of his thought when he properly looked at Changbin. Changbin smiled, “I hit my head against the wall because I thought I had scared you off for good this early into the game.”

“Oh my…” Felix scooted closer and inspected more thoroughly. “You didn’t bleed?”

“Nope,” Changbin was being so nonchalant about it he even scared himself. “Just a bump under my hair and this slightly black eye.”

“For fuck’s sake, Changbin-hyung, you’re only proving my point here.”

“Which is?” Changbin raised an eyebrow. Felix bit his lip and Changbin couldn’t help but think how enticing that looked. “I’m hurting you.”

Changbin shook his head, “No, I’m hurting myself. So you’re only a bad influence, Felix.”

Felix facepalmed and Changbin laughed again.

“Listen,” Changbin took a risk and put his hand over Felix’s. Felix flinched but didn’t move away. “I’m only hurting if you’re hurting. Empathy is a wonderful thing, ya know?” Felix blinked and frowned, “Well, then we’re definitely having a problem because I’m hurting 24/7.”

Changbin shook his head. “Even when someone is holding your hand this gently you feel hurt?”

He was pretty sure Felix almost choked on his saliva. And yet he still didn’t move away.

“That’s beside the point.”

“That’s exactly the point. You have to let yourself actually feel affection instead of wanting to feel hurt all the time,” Changbin sounded like a psychologist right about now.

“But when I open up, I end up hurting everyone around me and I don’t want that!” Felix’s eyes shot up, this time angry. Changbin’s slight smile faded. “I’ve hurt so many people already,” Felix’s head dropped again, and he squeezed Changbin hand. Changbin was pretty sure he almost choked on air. “I don’t want to hurt anyone else! You’re...you’re such a kind person even if you act like you’re tough shit and all that. And I...I don’t want you to actually fall into your persona...I want you to stay kind and thoughtful. But around me, that sort of shit diminishes fast,” Felix laughed, holding back tears since that laugh basically sounded like a laugh-sob.

Changbin frowned and decided to risk it all. He moved closer to Felix and enveloped him in a hug. “Fuck, no, don’t….don’t do this to me, hyung,” Felix’s voice broke.

Changbin said nothing and simply didn’t let go. After about a minute, Felix hugged back, his head dropping on Changbin’s shoulder, completely done fighting this. His arms felt better around Changbin than he had imagined.

Even when Felix raised his head and dropped his arms, Changbin didn’t let go. “Um...please stop now,” his voice sounded like he had been crying and Changbin hadn’t even noticed it. But he did feel the wet spot on his shoulder a little after Felix had taken his head off.

Changbin sighed, “Fine.” He let go and looked at Felix, whose eyes were now red, as he instantly began wiping away his tears.

“Felix, you need to see a therapist.”

Felix froze instantly and Changbin took one of Felix’s hands, squeezing. “Please, for the sake of me not hurting. Because that’s what you want, right?”

Felix looked at Changbin with an indescribable look like always. And then his shoulders dropped. “Okay.”

Changbin grinned at the fake blonde as Felix swatted his hand away gently but with attitude.


	4. Chapter 4

Changbin was wasting time away playing Mahjong on the computer when his phone vibrated on his work desk.

_Called the guy_   
_Have an appointment on Monday_

“Fuck yeah,” Changbin smiled to himself. “What?” Hyunjin peeked his head out from his own cubicle. “Nothing,” Changbin put his phone away and used a hint since he was a dumbass and didn’t see the seven circled plates basically right next to each other.

\---

Changbin was pretty sure he was in. Because why else would Felix ask him to come with him?

He drove Felix to Jacob hyung’s house. It looked very posh on the outside. He probably had one of those studies you see in movies. Jacob greeted them both with a warm smile as he opened the door. “You must be Felix.”

“Hello,” Felix bowed minimally and the eldest let them inside.

His study was right to their left and it fucking did look like something out of a movie. Changbin smiled to himself. “You can do whatever, I guess. I have leftover kimchi fried rice in the fridge if you feel hungry,” Jacob looked at Changbin at the doorway, while Felix was already seated in the room. “You’re too good,” Changbin grinned and Jacob shook his head, sliding the door closed.

Changbin went to Jacob’s living room and plopped down on the couch.

_SpearB: Boys am bored_   
_Send video recommendations_   
_J.One: just watch some vine compilations lol_   
_CB97: Aren’t you at work????_   
_SpearB: Nope took a day off_   
_Because problem guy begged me to come with him to Jacob hyung’s first session_   
_J.One: Oh wat_   
_Yeet_   
_CB97: HAN JISUNG_   
_YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU REFERENCE DEAD MEMES_   
_J.One: Sorry daddy Ive been naughty_   
_CB97: I joke about a daddy kink once_   
_SpearB: And we’re never letting it go_   
_Because ew_   
_J.One: WAIT CHANGBIN_   
_THIS IS THE PREFECT MOMENT FOR YOU TO FINALLY GIVE IN AND WATCH H2ODELIRIOUS ヾ(*◎○◎)ﾉ_   
_SpearB: Fine omg_   
_J.One: Watch the Until Dawn letsplay pls its the best one_   
_CB97: Post us after ;)_

Changbin was almost done with the first episode when Jacob and Felix came to the living room. Felix looked...better, after having vented off. “All good?” Changbin asked anyway. Felix nodded and Jacob smiled at him.

“The next appointment is in two weeks.”

“Alright, good,” Changbin grinned that Felix had decided to keep doing this.

The two left the house after about five minutes of Jacob still offering them kimchi. “He’s such an angel, Changbin,” Felix said when they were seated in Changbin’s car.

Changbin smiled, “Yup, figured so.” He revved up the engine and they were off.

  
“Thank you...for coming with me. Because I would’ve probably cowered out if I was alone.”

“That’s also what I feared and why I wanted to come.”

“Wow,” Felix chuckled and stared out the window.

“Do you have a shift tonight?”

“Nope.”

“You want to-”

“Nope!”

“You didn’t even hear what I wanted to suggest,” Changbin shook his head at Felix. Felix huffed in the passenger’s seat, “My social meter is full after that talk.”

“Okay, understandable.”

“Have a nice day,” Felix wheezed and Changbin laughed. “Dead memes. Chan hyung would hate you.”

“Good. At least someone does,” Felix joked and Changbin laughed again.

“Want to get some food, though?” Changbin asked. Felix shrugged in his seat. “I didn’t bring my wallet.”

“You can pay me back later.”

“Ok. Where?”

“The general China place.”

“Panda Express?”

“Yes.”

“Awesome,” Felix turned his face away from the window to grin at Changbin and Changbin would’ve almost crashed.

\---

When the two got their food they ate in comfortable silence. Changbin did notice, however, how Felix was more smiles than usual. He loved it.

Felix broke the silence again, “Hey, when are you going to post new songs?”

Changbin smiled, “We’re working on a full mixtape.”

“Ooh nice!” Felix grinned at him and Changbin resisted the urge to sigh dreamily.

He was really in deep. And he had known the other for what, only three weeks?

“You’re smiling an awful lot,” Changbin decided to comment. Felix hummed, “Because food.”

“Can’t argue with that!” Changbin chuckled.

“You should smile more, too, you know.” Changbin looked up from his plate with widened eyes. Felix’s face was slightly stern, as if he was scolding his hyung. “What.”

“Because you look better with a smile on your face. The usual pissy look isn’t that easy to get used to,” Felix chuckled slightly, taking a big bite of one of his spring rolls. Changbin smirked, “Call it my way of driving people away.”

“And yet everyone gets instantly curious. Just look at Hyunjin! Which by the way, are you two…” Felix’s head tilted a little.

Changbin blinked and ended up laughing. “Oh, no. He’s just a flirt. Next time you see him, he’s going to do it to you, too.”

Felix nodded slightly, looking off. Changbin noticed the tint on his cheeks, which perfected his freckles instantly. “You don’t take well with flirts either, huh. Well, Hyunjin will grow on you. He may be annoying, but he’s a good friend.”

Felix nodded slightly and mumbled something under his breath which Changbin didn’t quite catch. “Sorry? What was that?”

“Talking to myself,” Felix turned back and smiled, delving back into his food. Changbin decided to let it go, still anxious of pushing boundaries.

\---

Once he was back home, Changbin checked his phone which had been turned on silent. Jisung was asking him about the Youtuber and Jacob had called him a while ago. He called the latter back.

“Changbin, hi!”

“Hi. Is something wrong?”

“Well...not exactly but...Felix refused to get prescription meds. I think he’d do better on antidepressants. Of course, I can’t force him. I just thought...you should know.”

Changbin nodded a little, “Okay. But do you...want me to do something about that?”

“Do you think you should do something about that?”

Changbin sighed, “I don’t know, to be honest. He...actually looks better since the first time I...oh fuck,” Changbin laughed dryly, thinking about it again.

Jacob sighed on the other end. “It always looks like someone is better if you’ve met them at their worst. Something to think about. See you in two weeks, as well?”

“Ah, yeah. Unless Chan-hyung wants to drag me along somewhere with you two. Goodbye, hyung.”

“Bye bye, Changbin.”

Changbin lowered his phone as Jacob hung up, and bit the inside of his cheek.

Changbin honestly couldn’t do anything about it, though. Because it was private counselling, so if Felix knew Jacob had said something he’d instantly cancel everything.

Changbin knew Felix enough now to know he’d do something like that.

Of course, he could simply ask him without even mentioning the newfound therapist. After this cheerful day, however, he didn’t want to bring the mood down, since he knew Felix wanted to enjoy his evening off.

He checked the rest of his notifications and found out that Minho had requested to follow him on Instagram. He checked Minho’s profile.

Nothing out of the ordinary. Aesthetic pictures, group selcas and some architecture appreciation. But the more he scrolled down the more he found dance practice pictures. And he basically keened when Felix was in any pic, in general.

And now he waited for the dance group day even more. Changbin accepted the request and followed Minho back.

He had no idea what he was doing the rest of the day until it was already ten in the evening and he decided to go to bed. Meaning, be on his phone for an hour and then fall asleep.

\---

This weekend Changbin would die, he just knew it. Implying he wasn’t already dead inside, edgy humour ha.

Changbin, Jisung and Hyunjin had met up earlier, once again in a Starbucks, talking about whatever. He could tell he was practically the only one who was nervous about this in a way.

An hour later they were in front of the warehouse-looking building, waiting for Minho and Felix. Hyunjin smirked at Changbin, “You sure you wouldn’t have come with Felix?”

Changbin knew exactly why the other was making that face but he figuratively bit his tongue. “I don’t know. He said he was out of his house, anyway, when I contacted him this morning.” Hyunjin nodded along and shrugged, “Just asking!”

Changbin rolled his eyes and Jisung raised an eyebrow at him.

“Hey! How long have you three been waiting?” Minho appeared out of nowhere. Jisung yelped, Hyunjin flinched as Minho had put a hand on his shoulder and Changbin instantly stared at Felix next to Minho. Felix waved with a smile. Their relationship was at that point that Felix could smile freely. Cute.

Changbin waved back with a smile of his own as Hyunjin whined, “Please don’t do that ever again!”

Minho giggled and backed off, taking a step towards the only one out of the picture. “This is Seungmin! He wanted to practice today so…”

“Hello!” Seungmin bowed slightly. “Hi, I’m Jisung!” the social butterfly instantly flocked in, giving the guy a firm handshake. Changbin nodded, “Changbin.”  
Seungmin got a look on his face. He had probably heard about him, be it Felix or Minho gossiping. Which one would be worse?  
Hyunjin smiled and also stepped forward, “I am Hyunjin. Hello. I like your hair!”  
Seungmin’s red hair dye was fading out. Seungmin smiled, “Thank you, Hyunjin.”  
Minho led the crowd inside with his private keys. They went to the third floor and through a slightly bigger door than anything else that were probably offices or something.

The dance room had a mirror covering one entire wall, and at the opposite wall was the music system, a red couch and water cooler. There was a door at the corner leading to a change room. Minho, Felix and Seungmin went in there, Minho leaving them with a, “Warm the room up for us!”

Jisung grinned at the mirror. “This is so cool! I’ve never actually been in a legit dance studio!”

Hyunjin blinked, “You haven’t? Even when wherever you guys do your music, there must be a dance practice room or something.”

“Well, yeah, but I never go in there.”

Changbin sat down, looking at himself from the distant mirror. His hair was slightly disheveled from the wind outside, but the beanie made it look a bit nicer. He shed his coat, wearing nothing but black once more. “Do you have any color in your wardrobe?” Hyunjin teased.

“He does. But it’s winter so he’s pretending to have winter depression by only dressing in his black hoodie,” Jisung teased as well. Changbin rolled his eyes.

A few minutes of teasing Changbin’s fashion choices and the other three were out again. Felix had a black shirt on and his dress pants were dark green. Green was a good colour on him.

Minho had a bucket hat on as well, Jisung asking him why he was wearing it. “The mirror actually distracts me most of the time so I tend to dance legally blind.” Seungmin pointed towards Minho, “He’s a god, what can we say?”

The three set up the music, Seungmin pulling the aux cord and connecting it to his phone. “You better not play trash,” Felix said in English, quoting the meme. He sounded seven times hotter speaking English, Changbin was already done.

Seungmin pulled a small smirk and put on a song. Minho started whining, “Seungie, why?”

“I’m confused,” Jisung blinked as a very up-beat song kicked into full gear. Minho smiled at him, “We take turns choosing a warm-up song. And that one is the hardest to concentrate on, because we want to move too quick to it.”

Felix was already doing some popping and Changbin grinned. “You’re good!”

“Average compared to Minho, but thank you,” Felix shot him a smile and turned around again, staring at himself in the mirror as he limbered his legs by doing a few kickstep moves. Not that Changbin actually knew if it was actually kickstep or no. The only one from 3RACHA who knew anything about dancing was Chan and even he didn’t know everything. Probably the only thing that his knowledge wasn’t perfect about.

The beat dropped as soon as Changbin stopped thinking and Minho started snaking his body around swiftly, Hyunjin gasping, “Oh my god, that’s amazing!”

“You also did dancing, right?” Minho looked at him, not one muscle of stress on his face as he wriggled in one spot. Hyunjin nodded, “I didn’t really get far, though.”

Seungmin smiled, “I’ve only been part of this crew for like, two months. You’re still better than me, probably.”

“Oh no,” Hyunjin waved his arms a little with a shy grin. Changbin snickered, “If you’re a perfectionist at everything, it’s hard for me to see you fail at dancing then.”

Hyunjin shushed him with a blush on his face. Changbin shook his head. “Join us, come on!” Minho had stopped, grabbing Hyunjin’s wrist gently and pulling him more towards the mirror.

Jisung cheered instantly as Hyunjin started moving, a bit tense but very limber in a way. “You’re doing amazing, sweetie!”

Changbin laughed next to him.

A few more exercises later the three had a debate on what they should show them. Changbin really wanted to say “something with Felix in the middle” but he knew the onslaught of teases that would ensue if he did.

Finally, Seungmin grinned, “Well guess who the fuck’s phone is on the aux right now. Guess who has privileges.”

“Seungmin noooo!” Felix dragged out as Seungmin put on some random song. “No wait, I like this one!” Minho exclaimed, getting in position with Seungmin while Felix simply stood by the wayside, staring at both of them incredulously.

_I wait till midnight_   
_I can feel a cold breeze_   
_A box of moonlight_   
_A silhouette of palm trees_

  
Changbin could slightly understand the English lyrics, as Seungmin and Minho were basically mimicking the plot.

 _With one foot in the grave_ A step forward, the leg moving for the beat and finally landing on -ve.

Felix finally started dancing too, and Changbin smiled. This song was pretty good, he had to ask for their playlist.

As Hyunjin and Jisung were openly aw-ing and ooh-ing to the three, Changbin remained quiet, his eyes mostly on the mirror, where Felix’s face of concentration stood out the most. He even seemed to phase out until Seungmin started singing for the second verse.

_“So take my hand now_   
_I'll welcome you to my bad dream_   
_Up in the clouds now_   
_That bad moon comes, and it grabs me”_

Hyunjin audibly gasped and gripped Changbin’s sleeve. “I think I just heard god.” Jisung and Changbin snickered at him.

When Minho sang the pre-chorus, Jisung did the same. “I think I just heard another god!”

_“Is there anybody out there?_   
_Is there anyone home?_   
_Hope you're awake for the nightmare_   
_Hope you stay for the show”_

Changbin sighed and shook his head at both of them. He instantly felt hypocritical at their freakouts, however, once Felix started rapping the final verse in his oh-so-deep voice. He stepped to the centre, Minho and Seungmin basically moving around him like back-up dancers while Felix had the spotlight.

_“Blacked out streets, looking like a wolf_   
_Bad moon up, need to check my pulse_   
_Creep in the woods, and I got you shook_   
_Eyes locked in, gonna get you hooked_   
_No look past, coming up real fast_   
_Sip at the flask, and I hit that gas_   
_No time to crash, gotta make it last_   
_Wake up inside in a cool black mask”_

Changbin knew Jisung and Hyunjin were looking at him like the hypocrite he was. “I think I just heard the devil,” he whispered and Jisung held back his loud laughter while Hyunjin hid his head in Changbin’s shoulder, muffling his giggles.

Changbin was pretty sure his face was in flames as Felix caught his stare through the mirror as he finished off the verse with a particularly forceful swear.

_“Blood stains on my fresh white Nikes_   
_Oh my God, what the fuck did I do last night?”_

Changbin simply got stuck on his eyes while Felix quickly shrugged him off, getting into the final zone for the final chorus.

\---

The three were shown four more songs, but for Changbin nothing compared to Felix going off for the first song he had now learned to be called Hollywood Undead - Bad Moon. Jisung and Hyunjin always clapped enthusiastically and even hollered while Changbin clapped timidly, but with a very wide grin. These guys were really good.

The six ended up going back to a random coffee shop, as Minho needed a sugar fix after the practice, saying that the playlist worked against them today, the first song actually being a new choreo, the second and third old and forgotten, and the fourth an experimentative one that Seungmin and another guy, Jeongin, did, not actually having any experience in choreographing.

To be honest, Changbin had skipped breakfast and didn’t have anything at the trio’s Starbucks hangout, so getting at least some cake in his system was good. But the bad thing was that somehow he ended up sitting next to Felix, them in the middle of a corner booth, positively smushed against each other. Felix was the only one who hadn’t taken a shower in the changing room after the practice and his T-shirt revealed his forearms as a bit sticky. Changbin didn’t mind actually, it somehow felt nice...like Felix wanted to stick to him.

And there Changbin’s mind goes off on a tangent again!

He basically stopped halfway of raising his fork to get one of the final pieces of his tiramisu as his name was called out by Hyunjin. “Did you space out again?” Hyunjin giggled.

“Yeah, sorry,” Changbin sighed, taking the bite, chewing and swallowing. “What were you saying?”

“Well, I was saying!” Jisung spoke up with a smug grin, “That maybe we could have some dances for our songs!”

Changbin blinked and tilted his head. “I...how would that work? We just rap, there’s not much melody to go with…”

Felix patted Changbin’s shoulder and after taking his hand off that same shoulder buzzed. “Minho can handle anything.”

Minho sighed, “While I would agree normally, even I have limits.”

Jisung shook his head, “We’ll just have to make new songs with more melody! Chan did mention about wanting his singer friends on at least a single track.”

Changbin let out a huff that sounded like a single laugh and was about to say something, but instantly got distracted by Felix nudging him. “Can I rest my head a little?”

Changbin looked at him, “Did you not sleep well last night?”

“I did, but I didn’t sleep very long,” Felix awkwardly smiled. Changbin rolled his eyes at him, trying to be cool, and nodded, “Sure.”

“Aww!” Minho cooed the second Felix’s head hit Changbin’s formerly buzzing shoulder. Now it was very warm and felt like Felix’s head belonged there. Felix flipped Minho off for the reaction and Changbin laughed.

Despite his inward struggling, this was a good day/evening. They should do this again sometime, next time getting Chan and probably the Jeongin guy to tag along, too.


	5. Chapter 5

The next week passed by quickly. Changbin was swamped with work, along with a new bigger campaign project that ended up with him paired together with the “bitch couple” in their department, while Felix’s whole week had night shifts for his job. Changbin knew the only way to see Felix this week was to agree to Hyunjin’s proposal to come out and drink again. Only this time, Felix was definitely about to see a drunk emo in his natural habitat, because Changbin wanted nothing more than to drink the stress away as soon as he stepped foot in the bar.

Felix was very surprised when Changbin simply gave him a smile and responded to his hello with, “What’s the strongest drink ya got?”

“Uh...Just shots, I guess.”

“Get me rum and coca cola, then,” Changbin honestly didn’t want to join his crew at the corner booth in the back, but since Mingi was next to him again, he would end up dragging Changbin back anyway.

Minho wasn’t at work and instead it was some guy who enthusiastically made small talk with Mingi like it was nothing. The two apparently knew each other from Mingi always having to be the one to fulfil the drink orders, no matter what group he was with.

Felix put a shot glass and one of those extra small bottles of rum on the tray, as well as a 1.25 litre coke bottle. Changbin nodded thankfully while Mingi got the final soju bottle and dragged Changbin away from the counter, just as he predicted.

This time Changbin, Mingi and Hyunjin were huddled together, so Changbin could definitely whine to Hyunjin the whole night about how awful everyone else was. Not that they cared about him being here anyhow. Ever since Changbin came into this department people were evasive. Changbin could see the slight sneers and talks near the vending machines about how the only reason Changbin was working there was because he had “connections”. He was bound to prove everyone wrong, focusing on work only. But Hyunjin had other plans, apparently, that being nice would be better.

Hyunjin really was naive in that matter. But his optimism was a good touch in Changbin’s otherwise depressing work life.

With that thought in mind, he took his first shot, cringed at the taste, and took a gulp of coke afterwards.

Not even an hour later and he wanted to leave. Not because everything was boring and the girl across from him was giving him weird stares, but because he was pretty sure he would puke at any moment. His little rum bottle was almost empty. He didn’t feel any particular buzz, he just felt like throwing everything out of him.

Mingi elbowed him as his stare on a painting not even close to them broke off. “You okay?”

Changbin shook his head subtly, not wanting others to find out and assume the worst, like they always did.

“So! Anyone want refills?” Mingi asked the table and only one person said yes, but that was all that was needed for Mingi to drag Changbin along once more. This time, Hyunjin followed suit.

As Mingi and Hyunjin went to the bar, Changbin found the bathroom.

The feeling was there but nonetheless, nothing came up. He even tried sticking his fingers down his throat but nope. Changbin growled, washed his hands and took out his phone.

Nothing new, nothing old, nothing pressing that could give him an excuse to leave. It was only 10 pm.

He went back and Hyunjin was now waiting for him outside. He gave him an instant worried smile. “How are you?”

“Not bad. Not good, either,” Changbin shrugged as the two walked back to the booth. Changbin glanced at Felix who was looking at him intently. Figures.

At this point Felix had his life together more than Changbin did. And that was not to undermine Felix’s depression, just that Changbin was not the best person to be helping. So why was he persisting?

The rest of the evening he was basically spacing out left and right, finishing off his rum and coke, munching on the party platter that one of the nicer guys (but who still avoided Changbin like the plague) had lost a game to paying for. He didn’t even know what time it was when people started leaving so Changbin instantly took the opportunity to excuse himself as well.

He went to the counter to pay his bill. Felix smiled at him, as if trying to cheer him up. But Changbin knew that smile was fake so it only made his emotions worse. He paid, ensuring to Felix that he was taking a cab, and left the bar. The outside was fucking cold.

He was spacing out the whole taxi drive home, so much as he almost forgot to pay. The guy didn’t mind it much, though, as he could clearly tell Changbin was drunk off his ass.

At least he wasn’t thinking about work in this moment.

\---

Changbin awoke the morning after, his head pounding and light invading his eyes, as his drunken self had forgotten to move the blinds. He heard the doorbell ring through his house.

His groan was rough as he stood up, taken over by a wave of nausea, and he was pretty sure that if he didn’t puke yesterday, he was puking at any point this morning.

The doorbell rang again and he trudged over to the front door.

Felix was on the other side, instantly becoming flustered over Changbin’s raggedy ass morning self, for the second time. “Uh..I....I texted and called.”

“Mmm...my phone is on silent,” the older’s voice was hoarse, as if his vocal cords would break at any moment. He heard Felix give a weird sound at how he sounded and then shake in his spot. “Well, I...wanted to see if you’re alive...after last night haha.”

“My head is killing me. Get in here,” Changbin walked away, leaving the door open. He heard Felix taking off his winter boots as he walked to the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. He then made a beeline for his bathroom, taking painkillers from the mirror cabinet.

At this point he was cursing his father for never teaching him how to make hangover soup. He chuckled at the thought.

Felix was standing in the middle of his living room with an uneasy expression. “Seriously, I’ll be fine once I get over the morning sickness.”

“Right. Well…” Felix shut up as Changbin walked past him with a, “Hold that thought.”

Felix came into the kitchen as Changbin doused his coffee with more cream than usual, stirring. “I just...wanted to see if...you can carpool me again for next week Thursday?”

“Of course I can!” Changbin grinned lazily, finally taking the painkiller in and downing it with half of his coffee. He already felt better with the coffee, alone.

Felix smiled at him from the other side of the counter and nodded. “And maybe...if you get over your hangover...want to hang out tonight?”

Changbin’s whole functioning stopped for a moment. This was the first time Felix had asked to hang. And how undecidedly he said it, like he was afraid of Changbin’s response, when he had assured countless times that he wouldn’t hesitate to drop everything if Felix needed him.

“Sure!” he said a bit more happily than he wanted to seem. Felix’s smile doubled as he hummed, obviously tired the older realised, now that Changbin’s senses were filled with nothing but Felix wanting to be around him.

“Go home and go to bed now,” Changbin chuckled with his still hoarse voice and Felix huffed in the same way as he had when he first heard Changbin this morning. He couldn’t help but think that Felix thought his morning voice was hot. Wishful thinking, of course, nothing more.

\---

The two agreed to simply have a movie night at Changbin’s living room. Felix came over at six with chips and popcorn while Changbin had stocked up on soda and cup ramen, making sure to get Felix’s favorite ones that were extra mild. To be honest, Felix looked like a guy who wouldn't like spicy stuff.

Nevermind that, the two ate some noodles while going through the first season of Channel Zero. Changbin had seen the show and was mostly watching Felix’s reaction to stuff, finding out Felix did not bode well with horror. The guy kept jumping and trying to sink into the couch cushions. At some point he stopped eating the snacks completely, in a very frozen position with his arms around his pulled up knees. Changbin had provided him a blanket but he had complained that he’d fall asleep instantly if he put it around him. Changbin’s own blanket was loosely around his legs, sitting cross-legged on the couch. 

They were on the fourth episode of the season when Felix suddenly shivered. “God fuck, that tooth child is gonna be in my nightmares tonight.”

Changbin tried not to chuckle, “What, you have regular nightmares?”

“No...Sometimes. There’s like..waves of them. And I’m pretty sure this is gonna start up a new one.”

Changbin instantly paused the tv and looked at Felix who was surprised that Changbin stopped. He looked at the older. Changbin let out his breath, “You should’ve told me about that.”

“Ah...it’s not that bad,” Felix shook his head and reached for the remote. Changbin let him take it. Felix grinned at him, albeit a bit nervously, “I want to finish the season, at least.” The other nodded along, now a bit cautious.

“You sure you don’t want that blanket?” he pointed to the duvet next to Felix, folded up and untouched, seeing goosebumps on Felix’s arms that were illuminated by the light. Felix shook his head again and stared at the television screen intently. Changbin turned back as well.

He heard Felix huff in a frustrated way, probably aimed at himself. Changbin bit his lower lip and decided to comfort the other somehow. He scooted closer and let their shoulders brush. Felix jumped, “Hyung! Don’t do that!” Despite that protest he eased up quickly again, leaning into the touch. Changbin smiled.

The fifth episode seemed to go smoothly for both of them. Felix leaned into him more every time a tense scene was on but moved back fairly quickly once the peril was over. Changbin just followed along.

When the sixth and final episode began, Felix chuckled. “I’m sorry I’m such a coward.”

“It’s totally okay to be scared, Felix,” Changbin reassured him instantly, smiling. Felix stayed silent for a moment before nodding and leaning onto Changbin’s shoulder. Only this time the episode didn’t have anything scary happening.

Changbin tried really hard to not grin at that.

After Channel Zero they watched the first two Strong Girl Bong-Soon episodes, shoveling popcorn into their systems easily now. Felix hadn’t moved away the whole time and Changbin was feeling pretty content this way. He almost felt himself dozing off, if it hadn’t been for the show making him laugh every once in a while, or becoming very aware of his surroundings when Felix laughed. He really did laugh like an angel.

Halfway through the second episode, however, nothing mattered anymore and Changbin wanted to sleep. But he didn’t want Felix to leave his side so he stayed quiet, resting his eyes a little.

“Changbin.”

“Mm.”

“I think we should call it a night haha…”

“I’m so comfortable like this, though…” Changbin chuckled, resting his head on Felix’s shoulder, his eyes closed.

“Um,” he heard Felix say but nothing else. Until a minute later he felt Felix shifting around, laying Changbin down more properly while slipping away. “I’ll get you a pillow,” he heard. Another while later his head was gently pulled up and his pillow put underneath it.

“Stay here,” Changbin mumbled and he was pretty sure he heard Felix’s breath hitch. He smirked, “I’ll keep the nightmares awayyyy.”

“You’re an asshole,” Felix hissed. Changbin still didn’t bother opening his eyes or making a bigger move. The other was free to do anything he wanted.

“Does the couch retract?”

Changbin practically giggled as Felix said that, because it meant he was thinking about staying. “Pull the backrest forward a bit and it goes down.”

Felix sighed and mumbled as he stepped closer to Changbin, “Can’t believe I’m doing this…”

Changbin felt the rest leaning on his back disappearing and Felix running off. Probably to get another pillow.

And in a minute he felt Felix laying down behind him, breathing unevenly. “Good night,” Changbin mumbled and let sleep take over finally.

\---

Changbin had no idea at what point of the night had the two gotten so close, but he had a hunch that Felix really was afraid of nightmares. Or, he had had one and tried to silently go back to sleep, only leaning against Changbin for comfort.

When the older woke up he instantly felt the arms flat on his back and the warm breath tickling the back of his neck slightly. He shifted his head slowly and found Felix very much passed out while trying to steal Changbin’s warmth, his chin between his shoulder blades. He resisted the urge to grin and turned back, not wanting to move. So he closed his eyes and tried to get those five more minutes.

But now, being awake, the other’s presence so near to him was making his stomach churn, his cheeks warm and his heart beat wildly. He was so fucked.

He tried to move away as silently and gently as he could to not wake the other. Felix did not even stir as his arms fell without the support against them. Changbin got up and walked to the kitchen, rearranging the leftover snacks into the cupboards and turning the coffee machine on. Deciding to make breakfast, he opted for a simple omelette since he had some meat leftovers from Thursday’s weird inspiration to make fried chicken breasts for himself, so he could add it to the omelette.

He got to work after making himself the coffee, sipping it lightly while he worked on the eggs first, adding the cut up chicken pieces a little bit after the pan on the stove started sizzling.

Felix walked in when the omelette was near to completion, rubbing his eyes in a cute way, but Changbin could feel Felix himself was frustrated. “Morning, Lix.”

Felix perked up at the nickname but fell back into a slump shortly thereafter, mumbling a morning back. His morning voice was very prominent in Changbin’s ears.

“You can help yourself. The pods are in the box, sugar is on the kitchen island.”

Changbin was very aware of every movement Felix made near him since the stove and coffee machine were next to each other. Somehow he felt less alone with someone by his side in the morning. Well, obviously, but the fact that it was Felix made it more special, somehow.

Changbin turned the stove off and cut the omelette into half with the spatula. “‘M going for a smoke,” Felix announced when his coffee was done, taking the mug. Changbin scoffed before he could exit the room, “You’re not going outside with just a T-shirt, though.”

“I’ll take my coat from the hallway,” Felix looked back to give Changbin a look of “I’m not stupid”.

“Or if you don’t want to fumble with an oversized coat in the morning...my hoodie is on the spare chair in the corner of the living room.”

Felix stayed in his position for a moment before exiting for real. Changbin got plates and put the halves of the omelette on them. He had some cherry tomatoes so it would be good to eat those too, before they start rotting. He thinks he’d bought them at the start of this week?

He brought the breakfast items to the living room coffee table consecutively and then noticed Felix had actually taken his hoodie. How domestic. Changbin slapped himself at the thought, and a bit harder than he had thought of doing, as his cheek flared up. Well, fuck. He’s got to stop hurting himself in response to his stupid heart.

He raised up the couch rest again and sat down on the mess of two blankets, staring at the screen. Morning cartoons were on, how domestic the sequel.

Felix came back with his mug half empty and Changbin fucking loved how even if Felix was taller than him, his hoodie was oversized on him. Felix put his mug down and then quickly slipped to the kitchen to discard the cigarette butt.

When he plopped down, Changbin actually didn’t mind the slight smell of smoke coming from the younger. “Is this for me?” he looked at the untouched omelette plate.

“ _Duh_.”

“Thank you,” Felix smiled bashfully and ate. Changbin opted to go back to Netflix and looked up Bong-Soon again. Felix smiled, “Yeah, must finish that episode.”

Changbin pulled up the second episode again and forwarded to where they left off, or at least he thought they had. Felix chuckled in his low voice and took the remote from him, their hands brushing, leaving Changbin feeling like his hand was instantly cold as soon as Felix left it. “It was a bit later...you really dozed off hard those last few minutes huh?”

“Probably,” Changbin just shrugged and finished his food, popping a tomato in his mouth. “Ugh, they’re turning soft, we definitely have to eat them.”

“Coffee and tomatoes don’t exactly mix but alright,” Felix chuckled again. Changbin decided to pry, “You’re in a good mood.”

“Mmm…” Felix’s cheeks turned pink, once again accentuating his perfect freckles. “I slept well, I guess.”

“That’s good!”

“Yeah,” Felix finished off the conversation like that and the two simply watched TV while finishing their coffee.

Felix grumbled about work a little while he was grabbing his stuff. Changbin related.

Once Felix was out of his house everything was too big and empty. Changbin was most definitely fucked.


	6. Chapter 6

The Thursday of Felix’s second visit to Jacob’s rolled in and Changbin could only hope Hyunjin was covering his ass at work like an expert. “I’m sorry but I have to speed back to work. You can call me, though, if you have problems with finding a ride back.”

Felix nodded and frowned, “I’m sorry for risking your work. For the second time.”

“To be honest, I’d like nothing more than to have at least a few minutes away from that hellhole. We’re all obligated to bring our lunches to the office so I can’t even take a break during lunchtime break from my asshole coworkers,” he laughed a little.

“You don’t get along with your coworkers?” Felix pried.

“Except Mingi and Hyunjin, everyone thinks I’m only there because my family pulled strings. When I actually fought really fucking hard to procure that spot, okay?”

“...Yeah, are you like...a rich kid?” Changbin looked at Felix for a moment for that question. Felix instantly realised he didn’t like talking about this sort of subject, “Sorry, just...I mean, you did have a whole other ride handed to you when you pulled me out of the hospital the first night.” He chuckled a little.

Changbin bit his lip discreetly at the recollection. “I’m not rich. I’m just...better off than others, I suppose. I mostly dislike that fact about my life.”

“Why?” Felix sounded more shocked than Changbin had perceived this conversation to go. He smiled at the road bitterly, “Because my parents were really those parents who thought money would solve everything. It clearly doesn’t.”

“...Oh,” Felix shut up after that and stared out the window of the passenger seat just as the older was about to make a turn into Jacob’s driveway.

“Tell me how it goes as soon as you get out,” Changbin smiled at Felix as he was taking off his seatbelt. Felix looked back at him and nodded, obviously a bit stricken by the previous topic.

Changbin had read that those with depression are selfless and very empathetic towards people around them, but not to themselves.

They exchanged a slightly sad goodbye and Changbin rode off.

  
Two hours later, just as Changbin’s lunch break was about to end, he got a message from Felix.

_Jacob-hyung drove me home what a man_

_PFF_   
_How was it, though_

_I decided to give antidepressants a go_

Changbin choked on his drink and started coughing. Hyunjin flinched next to him and patted his back to help.

After that was done, Changbin grinned so widely that Hyunjin gasped and cooed, “Oh my god, you are the cutest being right now, please smile like that every day!”

_I’m proud of you, Lix_

_Pshshshshshsh sure_

\---

When Changbin came home that evening he found a letter in his mailbox. He took it, went inside, got out from his overalls and sat down on the living room couch to read it.

It was from his parents. A gala. What in the fuck.

He could bring a friend because apparently his parents knew how much he hated these sorts of events. They didn’t even know the half of it.

Of course, the first person that came to mind was Felix. But he knew how shy and reclusive he could be. Maybe it was a bad idea to throw him into an unfamiliar environment. Nonetheless, he messaged him.

_My parents are throwing a promotional party thing_

_Formal attire_

_They said I could bring one friend_

_I_

_Can’t you ask someone else?_

_Well you were the first person that came to mind_

_Sorry, I know how shut out you can get_

_Um_

_I’ll think about it?_

_But look for backups just in case lol_

_Don’t pressure yourself to say yes_

_It’s okay, I can ask other people_

_Okay. Thank you for understanding_

_Especially since I know how the first week on antidepressants is the fucking worst_

_You’ve been on them before???_

_Why’d you stop?_

_The fucking psychiatrists deemed me okay._

_And then a few days after being taken off the shit everything crashes_

_I can’t really explain it that much_

_But it be like that sometimes_

_Alright_

_I’m here if you need anything :)_

_Thank :)_

Changbin knew Hyunjin liked to be called rather than texted so he dialed him up.

“Hellooooo Binnie hyung!”

“You want to see why I’m so emo?”

“I’m very interested, yes.”

Changbin laughed.

\---

The party was this weekend so Changbin really didn’t have time to prepare himself for the onslaught of strangers striking conversations with him just because he was the son of the Seo household. Hyunjin stayed by his side the whole time and could clearly see Changbin’s slightly apathetic look gradually turning more frustrated.

So after the umpteenth middle-aged woman had talked to Changbin, asking about his marriage plans (which, ew, Hyunjin thought), he pulled the older away from the ballroom into a side hallway.

Changbin took a breath in and out. “Thank you.”

Hyunjin smiled, “I didn’t know it would be this bad. That last woman was literally indicating arranged marriage, I’m sure.”

Changbin chuckled dryly. “Let’s make a beeline for the drinks.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Hyunjin smirked and the two easily swerved through the crowd of people and even decided to ignore some slightly younger looking guy who called out for Changbin to make it to their destination.

Of course, it was all fancy shit. Changbin had grown to like some of the champagnes but never could understand how somebody could stand even one sip of sweet wine. Which is why he made a disgusted sound when Hyunjin took one pre-poured glass of just that.

“What?”

“That’s sweet white wine.”

Hyunjin chuckled, “I’ve never tried wine in my life.”

Changbin rolled his eyes, “Take one sip and try not to puke.”

Hyunjin looked at him like he was more of a drama queen than himself at this moment. But after he took that one sip, made a confused face and gulped the drink down, he merely responded, “Okay, valid.” Changbin laughed wholeheartedly.

“Um, hi?” somebody approached them and both were surprised. “Seungmin?” Hyunjin questioned.

Seungmin waved miniaturely and smiled, “Am I glad to find someone in this building who’s not stuck up their asses.”

“Bold to assume I’m not,” Changbin smirked and Hyunjin instantly elbowed him. “You’re a delight, hyung, how many times do I have to say it before you agree?”

“Or maybe he needs Felix to say that,” Seungmin’s response threw Changbin off balance, almost. “Excuse me?”

Seungmin shook his head, “I saw you staring at him throughout the whole damn dance session. And the shoulder thing after was extra cute. And whenever me and Minho bring you up, he can’t help but get a bit more brighter than he already is.”

Changbin took this information in. Slowly. And before he could question, Seungmin responded, “He’s just very afraid to have another person to care so deeply for him. Because...he knows it’s gonna turn bad.”

Changbin frowned, but understood. Felix had said this to him. “I’m determined to stay through the bad, though. I’ve told him that countless times already.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened a little before he grinned, “Then I consider you alright in my book! You, on the other hand,” he sassily turned towards Hyunjin. They were almost the same height, but Hyunjin always had to be taller. “You have yet to prove yourself.”

Hyunjin giggled, “I am harmless, I swear.”

“He really is. The only thing he might do is probably hug Felix to death.”

Seungmin snorted and nodded. “Anyway, I’m getting light-headed. Would you two join me at the balcony to get some fresh air?”

The two followed.

Seungmin Kim was from another well-endowed family but his was more secluded. They rarely attended these types of events. Changbin was glad to find out Seungmin shared the detest of the rich kid stereotype. Hyunjin was confused most of the time the three were speaking. But Changbin could tell he was staring at Seungmin with adornment sparkling in his eyes. This could be interesting.

The three exchanged contact info real quickly after Changbin’s mother had asked him to mingle a little, not just with two people. And they were back into the hell of it, this time Seungmin also getting the same treatment while Hyunjin next to the two looked at them with pity in his eyes.

The trio ventured to the drink table four times and soon enough they found out Seungmin was a lightweight, because he started getting bolder.

Changbin could only snicker as Seungmin literally waved off the fourth person to receive this type of treatment. “I can only hope your parents won’t kill you,” he said to the redhead. Seungmin blinked and giggled, “I wish they would, to be honest.”

“Whoa!” Hyunjin instantly piped in. “Are you memeing or…”

Seungmin giggled and wrapped an arm around Hyunjin’s shoulder, “Memeing. Relax.”

“Ah,” Changbin tried not to cackle as Hyunjin’s cheeks flared up, “Okay.”

“Hello!” the hundredth person approached them, this time a girl who actually looked to be their age. “Good evening,” Changbin politely said, while Seungmin and Hyunjin knew his mind exploded in frustration once again.

The girl smiled and nodded, before giving him his business card. “I need to get back to the front, but I took this small opportunity. Call me!”

With that he was off. And Changbin was frozen solid while Seungmin and Hyunjin laughed loudly. A while after, he cleared his throat.

“I’m gonna go find her before he gets busy or something, you two can stay here.”

“Oooh, get it!” Hyunjin teased but he knew Changbin was about to completely reject the girl.

Which he did, after finding her and asking her to step to the side for a moment. “You seem like a nice girl, so I hope you won’t tell anyone, but...I am not interested in women.”

The girl gasped, “Oh! I didn’t know.” She laughed and Changbin sighed. “I won’t tell a soul. We probably won’t see eachother again, anyways. I just hope you can make someone happy in your life.”

She bowed and walked back. Changbin thought about her words for a moment. Of course he knew who he wanted to make happy in that way.

But would he ever reveal that?

\---

Somehow Seungmin, who was actually still living with his parents since they were overprotective (the only thing Changbin couldn’t relate to with Seungmin), ditched said parents as well in favour of the three going to the usual bar for a final drink before retiring.

Minho was at the bar today. “What have we here? I did not expect this combination, to be honest.”

“We just came from a formal gala-”

“I can see that,” Minho interjected, looking each of them over with their fancy suits and stuff.

Seungmin stuck out his tongue at the older for interrupting, “And we want a final drink before collapsing.”

“Well, we don’t serve already drunk people, Seungmin,” he smirked, “But I’ll make an exception.”

“Good, because that one sip of white wine has been the only aftertaste I’ve had in my mouth since I drank it,” Hyunjin said and Changbin cackled again.

They stayed at the bar counter, animatedly talking to Minho about their evening. Minho was practically laughing throughout the whole thing.

After that Changbin basically dropped out of the conversation because he was tired. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He found the time to be a bit over 1 am.

Felix had messaged him and he grinned but then frowned instantly afterwards, since the other was awake at this hour.

_How was the party?_

_Why u still awake omg_

_It went better than i thought_

_You didn’t tell me seungmin was also a rich kid_

_Oh_

_There wasn’t any time to bring it up?_

_But y’all met?_

_Wait who did you bring with you_

_Hyunjin ugh_

_We’re actually at your bar pff_

_Omg xD_

Changbin opened his camera, “Hey guys. Selfie for Felix.”

“Ooh!” Hyunjin grinned.

“The bitch is still awake? Shaking my head,” Minho pouted but still put on a smile for the picture.

_Changbin has sent a picture_

_We out here_

_Holy fuck you look good in a suit_

_I know :P_

_I didnt mean to type that asdfghjkl_

_But ok_

_Go to sleep now_

_Minho is demanding_

_I’m trying aaaaaaaaaaa_

_…_

_Nightmare?_

_Ok so I may or may not have looked up Channel Zero on my own_

_And now I’m scared to sleep_

_Lol?_

_Can I come over?_

_O.o_

_How’d you know i was gonna ask that_

_:)_

The three had noticed how Changbin’s smile had faded but then perked right back up. And when he put his phone away he found them staring. “What?”

“Is Felix okay?” Seungmin asked. Changbin shook his head, “He’s afraid of nightmares.”

“Oh,” Seungmin frowned and looked at the counter. Minho smirked, “You better get on that, then.”

Hyunjin giggled as Changbin reddened. And then cooed after Changbin responded, “Well, he kinda asked me to… do just that.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened, “He trusts you that much already?”

“Oh my god, teach me your ways! I think he still doesn’t trust me that much,” Minho laughed. Changbin hummed and stood up from the bar stool. “Can you make sure they get home?” he asked Minho and gestured to Seungmin and Hyunjin.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, “I can literally call a chauffeur for me any time I want.”

“Oh yeah. Anyway, bye,” Changbin called for an uber and made his way out of the bar.

  
He was home some fifteen minutes later. Well, not home, at Felix’s house. Changbin thanked the driver and shut the door. The car took off.

Changbin went and knocked on the door. Felix answered shortly after, and Lucky instantly barked at him. Changbin grinned, “Luckyyy! I haven’t seen you in forever!”

He leaned down and let the dog slightly jump up at his knees while ruffling his fur aggressively.

Felix smiled, “Get inside before you freeze my dog to death.”

“Oh, and no concern for me? Rude,” Changbin chuckled as he walked in and Felix closed the door. Changbin took off his boots and planted himself down in the middle of the hallway, playing with Lucky for a minute. Felix simply waited.

Changbin looked at Felix, “Whoo! That’s out of my system now.” He stood up and finally took off his jacket. His tie was already loosened but now he pulled it off completely. “Remind Minho to tell you about tonight because Seungmin literally told him everything in his drunken state.”

When he looked back at Felix the other was biting his lip. And he smiled with his lower lip still stuck to his upper teeth before letting it go. “Yeah, he’s a lightweight.”

Changbin resisted the urge to plunge forward and tend to Felix’s lip which was clearly bleeding now. “Lead me.”

Felix nodded and walked past Changbin, “I have to calm Lucky down now, though, so thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome!” Changbin shouted back. In this moment of silence in the hallway, he recollected his jumbled thoughts.

Felix trusted him that much already? Or was it just a comfort thing? Either way it was fine at this moment. Because Changbin just wanted to be there for Felix.

Felix came back and chuckled, toying with the ends of his long sleeved shirt. “You didn’t have to wait in the hallway like an idiot.”

“I was afraid if Lucky saw me he would not calm down,” Changbin smirked.

“Ok, true. Come on, then.”

Felix led Changbin to his bedroom, and was it bad to say Changbin was sort of excited? The bedroom is one’s sanctuary, and Felix letting Changbin come into his sanctuary felt like a privilege.

The younger’s room had awesome blinds, somehow Changbin’s tipsy mind noticed that first. The next thing he saw were the posters of idol groups and some western bands on the wall that also supported a desk with Felix’s laptop on it, closed.

Felix cleared his throat, and his sleeve slipped down his arm a little. Changbin noticed. He saw the outline of a red line in the small light of Felix’s bedroom provided by the wall lamp hanging above his twin-sized bed with green sheets.

“So, make yourself-”

Changbin wasn’t listening as he scrambled to grab Felix’s hand and confirm his suspicions. Many red lines ran across Felix’s wrist and Changbin could only gawk.

“Well, shit,” he heard Felix laugh dryly above him while Changbin had his head down, looking at the younger’s forearm as if it was the most interesting thing in his life.

After a minute of them just standing there, Changbin finally looked up. Felix smiled at him sadly, “I told you the first week is the worst. I was even so entranced that I forgot I mostly cut on my thighs-” Felix’s eyes widened and he shut up instantly.

“What?” Changbin whispered.

“I said nothing! I swear, I cleaned these cuts, let’s just go to bed.”

“Felix,” Changbin, his hand still attached to the other’s forearm, pulled him back this way when the other wanted to walk towards his bed. “What happened?”

Felix blinked at that question. “Um. You mean, why, right?”

Changbin tilted his head. Felix’s awkward side smile faded, “Because that’s what everyone asks…”

“You literally have told me three times it’s gonna be bad. But I want to know how. Did you like, get an episode? Did you dissociate? Did you…” Changbin gulped, “I don’t know anymore.”

Felix sighed, “I only came out of whatever episode I was in once the pain hit.”

Changbin engulfed the other in a hug, “It’s okay.”

Felix laughed into his shoulder. “Keep telling yourself that.”

Both spoke no more as Felix pried out of Changbins grasp and laid down on his bed. He already had a spare blanket for Changbin so Changbin laid down as well and was ready to pass out, even if he was more sober than drunk now.

\---

This time, Changbin awoke with Felix’s face very close to him and he almost forgot the reality of his unfounded crush and kissed him. But he didn’t, and recoiled a little. Felix’s arm was loosely around his body in some form of comfort as he slept peacefully.

Changbin wished he could always look this peaceful. With his fully sober mind he could now almost cry as he saw the cuts on the other’s wrist in clear view, his sleeves having been rolled down a little in his sleep.

But, as he remembered last night, he thanked whoever was up there for making drunk Changbin not a panicky mess. And decided to follow that idea again, to not make Felix feel bad about it. Just make him know that he was there for him.

All of this was starting to sound the same. Changbin couldn’t give less of a fuck. He just wanted Felix to be happy.

He didn’t even realise he was combing the other’s hair gingerly until Felix started stirring. He leaned closer and tightened the grip on Changbin. Changbin huffed a smile and let him, but stopped touching Felix’s hair.

A little while later, Felix opened his eyes and yawned. “Thank you. Again,” he instantly said with his morning voice that sent shivers to Changbin’s back.

“Morning, Lix,” he almost frowned when Felix removed his arm.

“I can make porridge or something…” Felix stood up from the bed in a zombie-like state and Changbin laughed as Felix almost stumbled into his closed bedroom door. He stood up more swiftly, but then the small hangover hit him and he groaned. Felix laughed as Changbin followed him out.

Lucky was still asleep on his bed in the living room. “Kitchen, let’s not wake the good boy up,” Felix whispered and Changbin followed him to the kitchen.

Come to think of it, Felix’s home layout was the exact same as Changbin’s.

The two made coffee with Felix’s pot machine and exchanged trivialities while it brewed, sitting at Felix’s small kitchen dining table. In a more hushed manner, so Changbin had moved closer to Felix so he could hear him properly. The other didn’t seem to mind, or just didn’t notice.

When Felix heard there was no more dripping he stood up and got mugs. The two got their coffee and Felix looked in his fridge. “Nevermind, cake for breakfast, don’t mind if I do!”

Mmm, what was the cake for?” Changbin eyed the chocolate treat as Felix set it on the table and reached for plates. “Nothing, I just had a craving.”

Changbin nodded and the two ate in silence. This cake was really good, Changbin smiled.

After that, the two walked back to Felix’s bedroom to fetch their phones and be antisocial for a little while before Changbin decided to leave. He never wanted to leave, though.  
Hyunjin had messaged him, probably to tease.

_Not to alarm but_

_I woke up in Seungmin’s bed???_

_AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_

_:(_

_He said nothing happened though_

_And my first thought was_

_Oh I hoped something had happened_

_BRAIN PLS?_

_Gl hf_

_More like GG WP_

“Felix,” Changbin grinned as Felix turned and looked at his phone. His eyes widened, “Oh dear.”

Changbin snickered. Felix looked at him and smiled as well. “Your friend is wild.”

“He is. I hate him for it,” Changbin sighed and noticed Felix was texting Minho.

A while after, after the two had shared memes and some weird pictures from Instagram, Changbin decided to leave. He still never wanted to leave.

But he put on his boots and jacket, petting Lucky before standing straight up and looking at Felix. “Have a good day.”

“Yeah, You too. And, uh,” Felix paused. Changbin looked at him expectantly.

“Thank you for being so understanding yesterday...drunk you is probably more mellow than the normal you.”

Changbin snorted, “Yeah, I know. Bye.”

“Bye, hyung,” Felix said softly and closed his front door. Changbin walked to his own house, feeling very warm inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN/ Sorry about not updating, I literally forgot I was publishing this somewhere.


End file.
